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Are You Avoiding Your Husband?

Date Night.  It’s truly my favorite time of the week.  My husband and I prioritize a date night about 3 times per month and work really hard to protect that time even when it means saying no to invitations from friends to do fun things.

We try to juggle and move things around so that we can make it happen.  With two young boys and busy work schedules, we find that it’s very difficult to spend more than a handful of minutes of focused time together unless we truly set aside time to do just that.

We don’t do fancy things.  We take walks, eat at super casual restaurants, catch free live music (not too loud, then we can’t talk), and sometimes even run to the grocery store or go birthday shopping for our boys.  We often don’t get dressed up (but sometimes we do as I like to get out of my Mom clothes to look nice for my husband).   

You see it’s not about WHAT we’re doing, it’s about the uninterrupted time together.  If you’re like me, then you rarely have a chance to speak to each other in full sentences, much less hold a conversation.  It’s the season we’re in and that’s ok.  

I was truly surprised when we recently asked on our Facebook Page how often date night happens.  There were many ladies who responded that they had not gone on a date with their spouse in years.  Years.  

I know that the parenting years are busy and wild and crazy and that kids require a ton of time, energy, money and attention, but let’s not forget that multiple times in the Bible, God compares His love for us to marriage.  He makes it pretty clear that the marital relationship is incredibly important.  How can we truly prioritize our spouse and love him well when we are NEVER spending time alone together?  How can we become stronger together when we aren’t fighting to make time to just be together?

When I share my dating habits with other ladies I get a variety of reactions, but most fall into a few categories.

“That must be nice but…”

We don’t have the finances
We don’t have anyone to watch our kids (sometimes related to number 1)
We don’t have time
While I agree that all of these are valid reasons.  I’m going to dare to call them excuses.

Before you get angry at me and argue that I don’t understand your situation, hang with me and let’s ask a few questions of ourselves.  Also please know that I am PASSIONATE about marriage.  I have both personally experienced and observed many times that when we put God in the center and our relationship with our husbands just below that, we allow God to really work in and through our marriages. This doesn’t mean anything is ever perfect.  Not even close.  But He works.  

Back to the questions….

Are you putting effort and energy into prioritizing your marriage?
Are you and your man spending time together just the two of you?
Do you WANT to spend time together alone?
What needs to happen to remove the greatest obstacle to dating?  
How can priorities shift to create space for a date night?
Did any of those questions make you feel uncomfortable?

If so it’s ok.  

Sometimes I find that we create barriers (aka reasons/excuses) to protect ourselves from addressing the root issue.  Maybe you and your spouse need to talk about something that you’ve been avoiding. Maybe you feel you’ve grown apart and aren’t sure you would even know what to talk about on a date.  Maybe you actually enjoy the distraction of a house full of kids so you can ignore a problem.  Maybe you can’t think of anything that you would both enjoy doing together.  Maybe you don’t really enjoy spending time together any more.

Just ponder on that.  And if you DO recognize any of these things as possible barriers then reach out to God and ask Him to help you through it.  Because you have to go THROUGH it.  His mercies and grace are there for you and for your relationship.  Share the same with your husband.  Be vulnerable with any conclusions that you might draw.  Ask the hard questions.  But do it in love.  And even when it’s hard spend time together.

I am a firm believer that in most circumstances where there is a will, there is a way.  We are too quick to make excuses as to why we can’t verses focusing on “how” it can be.  So, I’m going to challenge you.  If you can barely remember the last date night you had, pull out your calendar tonight.  Call a friend and ask her to pick two Saturdays.  One that she can watch your kids and another that you can watch hers.  Write the dates and times in pen.  When the day arrives find a place to go for a stroll.  Or just sit.  Ask questions.  Dream, laugh, just be.  Grab an inexpensive meal out or pack a picnic.  Play a card game.  Go fishing.  Check out a new place.  Tell stories.  Share memories.  Do the things you did when you were young and smitten.  Keep it simple, but keep it.