By Emily Saunders

Would you agree with me that you were the best parent EVER before you ever even so much as conceived a child?  

My list of NEVERS and ALWAYS in the world of parenting was long.  Admittedly, it keeps getting shorter and shorter as I am now in year 2 of raising 2 boys and year 5 of parenthood.  I imagine it will just keep getting shorter.

As I reflect on those 5 years and that shortening list, I must admit I feel a little bit of guilt.  Like, maybe I SHOULD stick to my guns more often.  Maybe I should be doing an hour of preschool “school” daily.  Maybe I shouldn’t let my child have sweets as a reward (EVER).  Maybe I should already have savings accounts set up for my kids before they are born.  Maybe I shouldn’t EVER turn on the t.v. for entertainment……

We do this don’t we?  

I’m not just talking about parenting either.  

We work and strive and try to measure up.  To prove ourselves.  To be the best.  To maintain control.  We work so hard.

Recently our Momsanity Sisterhood has been studying Jennie Allen’s book Nothing To Prove.  It’s a big eye opener and it goes way below the surface if you’re willing to dip your toes there.  It’s revealed to me weights that I’m carrying that I didn’t even realize.  Guilt.  Shame.  Not Enoughness.

But that’s just it.  

NEWS FLASH

I am not enough.

I will never be enough.

I cannot walk out my “perfect parent” plans because I am not a perfect parent.

No matter how hard I try or how many books I read or how well I follow all of the “rules” I still will not be enough.

The cool part is this.  As I surrender these pieces and these walks and these responsibilities and these callings I can actually rejoice in the fact that I’m not enough.

When I put God in the center of my situation, my journey and my life, I don’t have to try so hard any more.  No matter where he’s taking me, he’s in control.  He is God.  I am not.  I can stop trying to become Him, and instead lean in on Him and follow Him.

Now this isn’t an invitation for me to sit back and hope and wish that my kids turn out ok.  Not even close.  Instead it’s an invitation to stop carrying weight that wasn’t designed for me and instead live in my freedom.  To seek Him instead of try to be Him.  To allow His guidance to propel me forward rather than putting so much performance pressure on myself.  To be willing to allow Him to use my struggles to grow me and my faith.  To honor and worship Him for who He is and who I’m not.

So as my children defy me and break rules and eat off the floor and go to bed dirty and scream and make messes and ask me for candy and talk back and spill drinks and break toys and cry in their cribs and go crazy after eating sugar and wear diapers to bed at 4.5 and watch too many episodes of Daniel Tiger….. I could go on forever….

I was never meant to be perfect.  A perfect mom.  A perfect wife.  A perfect coach.  A perfect business owner.  A perfect friend.  I can relish in my weakness, because He is enough.