by Coach Debbie

I’ve been reading about sex lately.  “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.”  “Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely.”  “My heart began to pound for him.”  Talk about romance!  This is 50 Shades of, wait, no, no it’s not.  It’s the Bible.   Open that book to Songs (also called Song of Solomon).  It is one hot and steamy tell-all about a hot-and-bothered couple!  “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.”

Old-fashioned sex, Bible style, makes us see the sweetness of marriage.  Song of Songs is intimate, detailed, and focused on pleasure.  God designed sex and he invented orgasms.  The holy union of marriage gets to be celebrated in a very private and very powerful way.

If you’re already offended, take it up with the Creator of the universe, not me.  Let’s stop whispering about it and start taking notes from this moving story of courtship, beauty, wedding, love, and how “at our door is every delicacy that I have stored up for you, my lover.”

I suggest you and your husband read this book together.  Giggle over how her teeth are “like a flock of sheep,” blush as he wants to “take hold of” her “breasts like clusters of fruit.”  Sex in marriage is a good thing.  See if it inspires you, reconnects the two of you, and reminds you of that newness you may have let get dusty.

I’m reading your mind and you’re telling me:  “Debbie, here’s the problem.  That’s all well and good, and I’m glad they are “faint with love,” but I am surrounded by kids and I’m sleep-deprived and the man thinks I’m a maid.  It’s all business here as we are just roommates.”

Song of Songs knew you’d say this.  In the middle of the intoxicating effects of swooning is a sentence you may just glide right past.  Right after he says, “Your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely,” there it is.  “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” Foxes?!  Those “foxes” are what throws a wet towel on the fire.  The “fox” of time, of kids, of bickering, of anger, of busyness, of career, etc.  See, foxes burrow OUT OF SIGHT.  They are sneaky.  They are hiding.  They are crafty.  “Not tonight, honey, my favorite show is on.”

What is your fox?  What has crept in?  Step 1 is figuring this out.  Ask yourself why the act of love has changed?  DO NOT BLAME YOUR SPOUSE.  I’m on thin ice here, I know.  Before you finger-point, check yourself.  I don’t know every situation but I know that no one is perfect.  That wall between you two was not likely built by the other spouse alone.  Let’s focus on asking God to help US to conform to His image and to be transformed.  May we allow Him to invade our hearts, minds, and souls so that webecome a better wife who can freely show love in the most special way.

Marriage requires vigilance.

God wants your sex life to be fulfilling and satisfying, not dreaded or bothersome.  He is able to be your marriage counselor.  Things CAN get better.  You CAN be like newlyweds again with some effort.  Use this short divine book to be your starting point.  There are couples devotionals based on this book as well, so go buy that on your way home from buying diapers.

“…for love is as strong as death…many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.”

Click here for my article “S.E.X.”

Click here for my article “Between The Sheets”

Click here for my article “The Birds and The Bees”

Click here for my article "Your Breasts Are Like Fawns?!"