By Emily Saunders

My baby boy turned two a few weeks ago and I’ve really enjoyed going back and read journal entries from the past year (disclaimer- I write in Adler’s journal AT MOST 2x per month).  While he has grown by leaps and bounds, I realize through my writing that I too have grown.

First about Him:

My boy was a late walker (almost 16 months!).  Now he runs- and runs- and wanders and makes friends without needing my help.  His littler personality is so full and sweet.

He is a toddler and therefore he throws tantrums.  Sometimes these make me want to wear earplugs all day long.  Did you know there are about 50000 EXPERT opinions on how to handle toddler tantrums?  For me there is no one tried and true solution- circumstances dictate my response.  That’s probably wrong according to the books

He is so lovable- that boy of mine.  He is full of hugs and loves to kiss just about anyone and anything (the truck drivers in his books- should I be worried?).  He hugs me tight and when it’s time for bed he wants to rock with Mommy- only Mommy.  After rocking a few minutes I ask him if he’s ready to get in his bed- inevitably he says “No Mommy rock”.  When it’s finally ok to lay him down he will blow me a kiss and say “Night Night Love You”.  Be still my heart.

The days can be long, but we all know the years are short.  Motherhood is polarizing.  Emotions swing wildly by the minute.  That’s so beautifully messy.

As I reflect on the past year I’ve also learned a few things myself.  I am so thankful for my mentors and for those who are right there in the same stage as me.  We were made to do life together.

So without further ado- here are the 7 Things I have learned about parenting toddlers:

1.  The more laid back the better.   Before having a child I was Type A to the hilt- about almost everything. While my schedule is important I no longer feel crazy anxiety if I don’t check every last thing off of my list.   I’ve realized that park play dates don’t have start and end times and if my boy wants to explore a cardboard box he found in the kitchen before we leave then it’s ok.  Rather than stress, I try to enjoy those moments and see the world through his eyes.  By clearing our lives of strict schedules 100% of the time we are both having more fun.

2.  Saying Yes is really fun.  As parents we say no a lot.  A dear friend and mentor of mine has taught me to say yes as much as possible.  Yes we must have boundaries.  No not everything is permissable.   That said, does it really matter that much if he plays with a plastic vase that’s not “a toy”.  Probably not.  There is a lot of grey area here for sure- trust your Mommy instincts.

3.  Negotiating is required.   Not sure about you, but I’m not usually successful with the “it’s time to go so put down that toy right now” approach.  By recognizing how I would feel if someone approached me with the same attitude I’m much more willing to be flexible.  I try to give a warning and remind him that we can play with the toy later or if it’s not a big deal then the toy can just come along.  It’s ok for kids to enjoy their stuff.  We also do some of this “If you eat one more bite of turkey you can have an other blueberry” (I suppose maybe that’s bribery?).   As Moms we have to give up our desire to win and allow it to be over-shadowed by desire for harmony

4.  Little kids don’t share.  Trying to teach an 18 month old to share will make you crazy really fast.  They just don’t get it and it’s ok.  Instead of forcing it  just wait until he loses interest (which is usually super fast) and then hand over the toy.  Now that he’s getting a little older we’re working on trading.  It works like a charm and hopefully will one day lead to sharing- hopefully.

5.  Don’t Give up on Veggies.  My child went on an eating strike at around 18 months.  He wanted nothing healthy.  I could have started down the “white food” path at that point, but I held out.  This battle is worth fighting.

Adler did not eat his vegetables MANY times- and I hate wasting food.  But slowly but surely the appetite came back and my hungry two year old will eat a few bites of almost anything willingly.  I realize this is a childhood long battle, but I will keep fighting it.

As moms we buy the food and put it on the plates.  It’s our responsibility to make sure our littles are getting the nutrition they need.  They will not starve.  This is more about training the parent than the child.  A little tip- if it’s in the house they know it and they will hold out longer and longer until you give in.  If there are not french fries in the freezer it’s pretty hard to give in and pretty easy to show them- sorry no french fries.

6.  Talk to them about Jesus.  No they won’t understand the complexities of the Christian faith, but praying with them and sharing with them how much Jesus loves them lays the foundation and plants the seeds.  We pray in the morning and in the evening together.  Adler now mumbles his own prayers before saying Amen.  Tell them that Jesus loves them- even more than Mommy loves them.  Tell them that He’s right there with them all day every day.  They understand more than we give them credit for.

7.  There is no one right way.  Every child and every situation is different.  Don’t judge.  Love.  Give other Moms the benefit of the doubt.  Tell them they’re doing a good job.  Praise their children in front of them.  It means the world!!!

I would love to hear from you!  What are your biggest lessons from parenting your toddlers?