by Emily Saunders

As humans and especially women we have a strong tendency to compare ourselves to others.  We like to survey those around us and see how we “stack up”.  When it comes to things like appearance, finances, jobs, relationships and material possessions, we just can’t seem to stop evaluating ourselves based on others.  Motherhood compounds the situation because we no longer just compare ourselves but our children.  I’m sure that we were all told not to care about what others think and plan to pass that on to our children, but in practice that is really a tough thing to do.  So let’s visit this inevitable phenomenon and figure out how we might be able to best approach it to cut both ourselves and our kids a break.

1.  We are our own worst critics:  Just the other day I was looking at a beautiful picture of someone close to me holding my newborn son.   She shared with me that she hated the picture.  I was shocked and asked why.  She began to criticize her wrinkles on her face and neck and tear herself down.  I saw a beautiful woman exuding love for a baby and she saw wrinkles.  We must learn to give ourselves a break
2. The grass is always greener on the other side:  When we evaluate others circumstances we have a strong tendency to idealize situations that we do not know.  That person who has the “dream life” might truly be struggling in ways that we cannot imagine.  Instead of begrudging that person or finding her unapproachable out of jealousy try getting to know her.  From a kid standpoint, we all know that “dream child” whose parents promise is a terror at home.  It’s all about perspective and we cannot accurately evaluate situations that are not our own.
3. Comparison is not a motivator:  Consistently valuing yourself based on what others are doing will always leave you in the dumps.  If you are searching for motivation then find someone with the same goals as you and keep one another accountable.  Moreover, comparing your children to others, even passively, can wreak havoc on self-esteem and pull them into the comparison trap as well.
4. We can only have one set of priorities:  We often excel in life in the areas where we spend the most time and energy.  Whether that’s making money, raising kids, working out or putting on makeup.  Each person has a different set of priorities and there is no need to compare yours to others.  As women society expects us to be able to do it all and that’s just not realistic.  Accept your priorities as they are or change them if that’s what’s best for you and your family.
5. Give yourself a pat on the back.  If we consistently compare ourselves to others as a means of approval we will always fall short.  There will always be someone who is leaner, younger, more energetic, more creative and more patient.  If you have a weakness that needs attention then by all means work on it, but giving yourself credit for the things you do really well is a great place to start. God gave each of us unique gifts to use for his glory- search for them, value them and use them.