1 Peter 3:1 Says:  “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”

My husband has not always been the spiritual leader of our household.  I got his permission to share this information and this blog topic was actually HIS idea.   My husband wasn’t raised in the church and became a believer in his early twenties.  He didn’t have an example set before him, nor did he feel confident in stepping into a role that caused him so much uncertainty.  As an  strong-willed, hard-working, opinionated wife, I also wasn’t willing to encourage him in that role.

That all changed a few years ago when we began attending a Bible based church that encouraged community, small groups, fellowship and mentorship.  Actually, that’s how I met Coach Debbie- she and her late husband Aaron invited us to their wonderful small group and through relationships formed through our group and learning the true nature of God, he became empowered him to begin his journey. I can honestly say that today he is most certainly the spiritual leader of our household and it is truly an answered prayer.

As women (even in today’s feminist driven culture) we crave protection and feeling cared “taken care of” and at the same time we want to create our own identity, to feel like we have a “say and a place”.  It all becomes really confusing sometimes doesn’t it?

I realized along the way that while I was praying for my husband regularly, I wasn’t encouraging him effectively in his spiritual leadership journey.  When I began to feel convicted to change myself- my reactions, my nagging, my jabs- he began to change as well.

So as wives, how can we best encourage our husbands in spiritual leadership?  I’m by no means an expert in this area, but here is what I have learned:

1.  Pray intentionally and specifically:  Pray that God uses YOU and for your own patience, gentleness, and humility through the process.  Do not try to force him to change or compare  him to others.  This seems obvious, but sometimes our admiration of other families can be interpreted as judgement or comparison.  God’s ways nor his timing are ours.  Trust him, ask him for patience, be specific- baby steps are the key!

2.  Consider a Couples based devotion book:  We LOVE Devotions for Couples by Patrick Morley.  It’s so very real and talks about true challenges in Christian marriage as well as God’s design for the family.  It’s so very encouraging and provides great discussion topics that appeal to both men and women.  Sometimes it’s hard to scratch the surface with things like pride, leadership, and spiritual discipline with husbands- having some guidance and a framework can be very helpful.

3.  Foster opportunities for relationships with Christian Men:  Men have a hard time making friends, especially once they are adults. They are typically not naturally social creatures like many women. Hang out with other Christian couples when you’re able and provide him with opportunities to form relationships.  Join a small group together and encourage him to attend men’s only events with friends.  Seemingly insignificant outings like movie trips can be great relationship starters for men.  It takes a while for these friendships to blossom, but they can be so very powerful in empowering his leadership.

4.  Carefully encourage mentorship opportunities:  My husband began meeting with a mentor at our church several years ago.  His children are grown and he is so very wise and a faithful servant of Christ.  He offers incredible encouragement and support through pointing to scripture and his own life experience.  Most of all, mentors typically drive home the fact that it’s ok to be imperfect and not have it all figured out    This is not something that can be forced- go back to step one 

5.  Encourage his time in Scripture:  Our husbands are busy.  They work endless hours outside of the home and then spend evenings and weekends playing with kids and keeping up with household responsibilities.  Just like we need to prioritize our own quiet time, we need to prioritize that of our spouses.  Read the Bible together after the kids are in bed or help keep each other accountable by reading through a book simultaneously and then discussing it together.

I know our Momsanity Followers have plenty to share in this area.  How do you encourage your husband in spiritual leadership?