Guest Blog Post by Becky Johnston
Aug 07, 2013
Guest Blog by Becky Johnston
I’m not sure when I started to believe I couldn’t be healthy. I’m not even sure that it was a “belief” that I had. But I sure acted like it. I fell in to the lie that I would always be overweight, I could not work out like everyone else, and I was “stuck” where I was.
I feel certain some of those thoughts came from previous failures. Some of them, likely, came from unfortunate circumstances I had stumbled upon in life. But some of them were flat out LIES… and sadly, I repeated them to myself until I believed them.
While I can’t tell you when I began believing I was destined to be unhealthy, I CAN tell you when I decided to become healthy. This spring, our family lost a baby when I was early into my second trimester. I had been shocked to see how quickly I looked pregnant in that first trimester- and was thrilled with the early showing!- yet when we came home from the hospital after my procedure, the baby weight was devastating. Having to continue wearing maternity clothes as my heart was shattered felt like a horrible slap in the face. Once my “regular clothes” began to fit again, they still stretched in the way that no woman enjoys. My heart ached with each stretched button- remembering the baby that once lived in my belly yet would never live in my house.
Previously, I had asked my friend- Coach Debbie- to tell me about her workouts. At first, I was just curious. Workouts were for OTHER people. And, since I knew a lot of OTHER people, surely I could tell them about Debbie. Win-win, right? Me? No. I was terrified of group workouts. “Coaches” scared me to death. The yell-y kind that tells you to “suck it up and try harder”? They make me cry. The sweet, compassionate kind that encourages you with “you can do it! you’re doing great! I’m so proud of you!”? They make me cry, too.
Several years back, a friend had coached a group of us to complete a 5K. (This was a goal of my friends. Not me. I couldn’t do one, right? I was just along for the social aspect of it all.) One morning as I jogged past him, he said to me “Keep it up Becky.” That was it. No fanfare. No yelling. And as I jogged on by, I cried the whole next lap at the Y. I had another experience when someone told me how she got over her limitations and began running. I left our time together in tears.
I was an exercise TRAINWRECK.
Yet because of the strain on my wardrobe and my heart, I knew I had to do something. I began to make some diet changes almost immediately. No longer “eating for two”, the luxury of ice cream whenever I wanted it was an instant change. Quite honestly, that one wasn’t difficult for me. Anything that I associated with pregnancy was “easy” to push aside. However, I’m a fairly smart girl. I knew that while changing my diet would help, it was going to take more than that to regain control of my body.
I again contacted Coach Debbie. After a few conversations of her encouragement to allow my body to heal before beginning, I was ready to start. And I’m not kidding when I say this: I nearly threw up before my first workout. I was TERRIFIED. What if I arrived and everyone else was already in shape? What if everyone knew how to perfectly execute a Burpee… and I didn’t even really know what a Burpee was? What if I had to stop halfway through because I couldn’t do it? FEAR DIDN’T GET ME TO STOP, IT ALMOST KEPT ME FROM STARTING.
I faced my fears and some beautiful things have begun to happen- I have challenged myself in new ways and am training my body to be healthy. I always imagined that my “after” moment would be when I could say with authority “I used to be a size 14 and now I’m a size ___!” (I never really imagined what that size would be, but I hoped it wouldn’t start with a “1”.) And while I know now that getting to a smaller size is not un-attainable, it’s not my “after” moment at all.
My “after” moment is when I now know I am stronger than when I began. I saw a muscle in my arm the other day that I never knew I even had! I celebrate each accomplishment: just last week I did a push-up on my toes instead of my knees! I earn every gulp of water during the workout: I know that putting water in is pushing toxins out! I come home sweaty, smelly, sore… and SO PROUD OF MYSELF.
I am no longer someone who can’t. I am wholly someone who can. And I share this story because YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO CAN, too. I had every excuse- even loads of them “valid”- before I began. Thank God I talked myself out of those excuses. And you can, too. Don’t believe me? Ask these coaches. Ask me. Just ask someone- because I’d love your “after” moment to be soon. It’s a marvelous feeling.
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