Melody Hazelbaker is a friend of mine with two teenage daughters. She’s one of those moms who has a double dose of wisdom and a carefree style to motherhood. I asked her if she would share some insight into this whole parenting journey that most of us moms feel like we’re screwing up. Enjoy her words….

I just dropped my 18-year-old daughter off to go to a weeklong YMCA Conference on National Affairs.  I know…sounds impressive.  I’ll miss her over the course of the next week, but she LOVES this conference and was just plain giddy when I dropped her off.  When I got home, I sat down and started thinking about when my girls were younger.  My hope is that I can let some of you off the hook about trying to do it all and stay sane at the same time.

Maddie and Caroline are proof that God is good.  I think I’m a good mother.  Here’s why:  Because in my own power, I probably would’ve done harm to one or both of them when they were babies.  God stepped in and gifted me in an amazing way.  He helped keep my temper in check when I was tired and they were crying.  He helped me when I was weak.  He helped me to discipline them in a God-honoring way.  He’s good, ladies.

Those who know me well know that I’m not a “baby” mom.  Babies are demanding, and I am selfish.  I like to do things by my schedule…not someone else’s.  Babyhood was very difficult for me.  I felt like I was constantly in survival mode.  I loved it when my children started talking.  I thanked the Lord that I could now understand what they wanted/needed.  I am an introvert by nature and need to re-charge by being alone and being quiet.  That’s really difficult when you have wee ones.  Here’s how I re-charged every afternoon: By having a cup of coffee and looking at Southern Living magazine while sitting in a glider rocker.  I didn’t do dishes or dust or vacuum (might wake them up) or craft or garden or make dinner or do laundry.  I did something for myself.  It might sound selfish or unproductive, but that’s how I made it until the hubs came home from work.

My girls are 26 months apart.  When the youngest, Caroline, was born, Maddie was still taking afternoon naps.  As they both got a little older, they were both napping at the same time in the afternoons (can I get an Amen)!  For some reason, I decided to listen to all the other moms boast proudly about how they took their toddlers’ pacifiers away. I got guilted into doing the same for Maddie who was probably close to 3 years old at that point.  So I made a huge deal about getting rid of the pacifiers.  Guess what?  She stopped taking an afternoon nap.  Guess what I did?  Went to the drugstore and bought half a dozen new ones.  Guess what she did?  Napped.  She didn’t give up the pacifier until she was almost four years old.  Yes, her teeth are pretty.  And at 20 years old, I can say that she turned out nicely (insert smiley face).

When the girls were little, my sister-in-law and I kind of got into scrapbooking (it used to be all the rage).  It was a chore for me.  I didn’t enjoy it.  But all the good moms did it so… My girls’ scrapbooks stopped at around the age of 10-12.  Yes…stopped.  I don’t have pictures of every first or last day of school.  Recently for Caroline’s graduation from high school party, she was looking for her school pictures from kindergarten thru 12th grade.  Some are just plain missing.  Oops!

Maddie had reflux until she was almost 8 months old.  She cried A LOT.  When she was 14 months old, I actually wrote in her baby book, “I am now starting to like you.”  I know I know…that sounds absolutely horrible, but the first year of her life was HARD for me.  One day I realized that she wasn’t crying.  I looked into the kitchen, and she was dumping out the dog food…wait for it…and eating it.  And I watched, while relishing the absence of crying.

If I haven’t scared you off and you happen to still be reading this, I just want you to know that if you feel anything like I did when my girls were young, stop listening to the other moms and listen to yourself.  Ask God to strengthen you.  Do what you need to do to survive and to keep your little ones safe.  Pray out loud when you’re frustrated or tired.  Say the name of Jesus out loud.  There is power there.

And remember:  Pacifiers are good. So is coffee and a good magazine. Scrapbooking is not. And a little dog food never hurt anyone.