Jennifer McBride is one of our vibrant Momsanity Sisters who was diagnosed with breast cancer in December. How bold of her to be willing to share the daily realities of coping with all that accompanies breast cancer.

Since October is Breast Cancer awareness month, I thought I would share my story.  So let me get this off my chest….

On December 22, 2014 a part of me died, my womanhood, my femininity.    The day I started MY grieving.  That was the day I received devastating news:  I had stage one 1 breast cancer.   Sounds simple enough right, stage 1.  Yes it was caught early but still required a double mastectomy (with 9 lymph nodes removed, 1 positive for cancer), 6.5 weeks of radiation therapy to my left armpit and chest (everyday, Monday through Friday, for 33 treatments total) and reconstructive surgery.  The doctors prepare you for the physical part of cancer treatment but not the emotional turmoil that follows.  That’s not as easily fixed.   I cried every day, still did until about 2 weeks ago.  I cried for me, I cried for my husband and I cried for my children.  I was sad for my husband to think he could possibly never touch breasts again, we are only 41!   Sounds silly, I know, but when you are still intimate it has huge consequences.  So much for foreplay!   Speaking of intimacy, the doctors also forget to tell you when you have estrogen feed cancer they want to put you into menopause.  I won’t go into the details of that one, so go ask the matriarch of your family about what happens to your lower lady parts in menopause.  Most men love breasts, they don’t care if they are small or saggy, they are just happy when you let them touch them.  Most women don’t like their breasts, I didn’t like mine either until they were taken from me.  My husband said he could live without my breasts but he couldn’t live without me.  He’s a good man!  I cried for my children because what if they are left without a mother to raise them?  I am ok with dying, I’d like to think I know where I’ll be going, it’s what I would leave behind.   I learned real quick that day just because you eat right and exercise you are not immune to cancer, it doesn’t discriminate.

I would recite Proverbs 31:25 almost daily: “She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future”.  I didn’t want to be sad and cry anymore, I wanted to go back to being the old me.  A mom who didn’t worry about the future of her children because she thought she was going to live to be 90 years old without health problems.  A wife who thought that the decline of her sex life was going to be her husband’s erectile dysfunction when he turned 70.  I didn’t want to worry about the what if’s anymore.  Any of us could be taken tomorrow and never get a chance to re-examine what is really important in our lives.  Psalm 39:4 reads “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.  Remind me that my days are numbered-how fleeting my life is.”  Maybe this was my wake up call.  Put the phone down, stop playing “Candy Crush” and stop worrying about how clean the house is.  Take every moment you can to spend meaningful time with your husband and kids.

I am thankful and fortunate that I have had family, friends and a church that have supported me.  I am thankful that I have had the Momsanity sisterhood to help remind me how important exercise, nutrition and faith are despite the struggles we all face as individuals.  That the sisterhood is an outlet that we can all use to share our own life experiences to enlighten others or ask for prayers and advice.

I feel I should write a disclaimer at the end of this.  I am not a (good) writer, I have a hard time expressing my thoughts on paper and getting my point across.  There are two last, important things I want to say though.  First, I cannot express the importance of examining your own breasts.  A mammogram did not detect my breast cancer, I DID!  Second, if a friend of yours is diagnosed with breast cancer, give her a hug and tell her how sorry you are and that cancer really sucks!  Don’t tell her it’s going to be ok because you can’t possibly know that, only God does.  It’s HIS plan!  And please don’t say to her “At least you’re getting a new pair of boobs out of it”!  EVER!  I promise you she’d rather have her own!

Your sister in Christ,

Jennifer McBride