By Emily Saunders

Because you’re a Mom you know what it’s like to constantly question your decisions- even those that seem most natural.  That constant nagging of “is this the right thing to do?” is ALWAYS there.  It might be something little like when you’re exhausted and just don’t feel like dealing with the fit that removing ink pens from your toddler’s grip for the thousandth time today will inevitably produce- so you let him play just this one time while mentally realizing that your lack of consistency will inevitably mess your child up forever.  Or it could be something bigger like when to stop breast-feeding or whether to work full-time or if homeschooling is right for your child or whether to let them go to a sleep over party or which college is the best fit or many many other decisions that we make or influence.

We are instructed by the Bible that our job as parents is to “train up our children in the ways they should go”, but, let’s be honest….  THE WAY has so many twists and turns and highways and bumpy roads and intersections.   We simply cannot drive it alone.

Last February I registered my little one year old for preschool two days per week.  September felt so very far away.  My child loves other kids and thrives in groups and is also an only child.  Part of me knew that structure and new faces and the group environment would be wonderful for him- not to mention the 3 hours of FREE time/work time that it would award Mama.  Besides- he would be almost 2 by September… I mean we would both be ready and the school is just amazing…

As September 1st loomed closer and I started receiving mailings of supply lists and open-house invitations I began to question my decision.  He’s still so tiny, my time with him is already limited, what if he hates it?, what if he bites?… and so on.  But as I dug deeper and prayed about it I realized that it had nothing to do with him- it was all about me.

I’m not much of a baby person.  The older my child gets the more I recognize this.  I would gladly chase a toddler and deal with tantrums over getting up 4 times per night to breast-feed and rock and shush and …. all that stuff.  That’s just me.   However, I realized today that my hesitation was not about my “see you later Mom I’m going to play with the train” toddler, but about me mourning the fact that he’s growing up- and FAST!

Preschool is the first of many many stepping stones that will inevitably break my heart yet make me so proud at the same time.  I can only imagine what the Moms who have sent their children to kindergarten, middle school, high school and most of all- COLLEGE are feeling.

It was the realization that these milestones will continue to accumulate that helped me recognize my nostalgia.  I was so proud to pick him up and to hug him and to hear him try to explain to me about the yellow paint on his shirt, the tracing of his hand, the Thomas the train set.  He was perfectly fine and comfortable.  He used nice hands and was kind to the other children.   He was full of joy.  I am proud of this independence, yet it’s hard!

The truth is….It’s all about the loosening of the reigns we hold as parents. As Moms it’s our job- as we train our children up to guide each curve along the path, but ultimately loosening and eventually letting go of the reigns is our task.  It happens so early and so fast.  

We are God’s vessels, his teachers, his caretakers- He entrusts us with the reigns. It’s a big job no doubt.  We hold our children so tightly in love, teach them his ways, and yet each small step prepares us to catapult them into the big scary world.  

You’re a Mom and a soldier- a true warrior.

May you find peace and joy in the loosening.