by Coach Debbie

Ahhh, the wonderful “Club” called Motherhood.  It’s an elite club you enter and become forever changed.  Whether your offspring arrive by a gash in your stomach, a ripping of your hooha, an agency’s awesomeness, or stork….we are in this TOGETHER.  And once you’re in, everything shifts in your perspective.  Here are 30 ways to chuckle over how things have changed….

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A MOM WHEN….

1. You have a constant shortage of band-aids.
2. You want your baby to learn how to walk then you want your baby to unlearn how to walk.
3. You’ve fallen asleep sitting upright.
4. Your stretch marks resemble a road map.
5. You request toys without batteries for your child’s birthday.
6. Sleeping in means any time after 7:00am.
7. You have to re-learn how to multiply fractions.
8. Your bathroom is on par with the local gas station urinal.
9. You have to answer the question, “Does God have a crotch?”              
10. Dropping off your child in the nursery at church becomes a “date” for you and your man.
11. You hate everyone who sleeps through the night.
12. You stop wearing white.
13. You rush to find a vase for the weeds your child picked just for you.
14. You marvel at your post-pregnancy “crepe paper” belly skin.
15. Wine is all you want for dinner.
16. You’ve considered inventing shock collars for kids.
17. “Free time” is being alone in the bathroom for 12 seconds.
18. You fantasize about taking naps.
19. The bags under your eyes are your newest accessory.
20. Food is only eaten lukewarm or cold.
21. The thought of “me time” is a joke.
22. You can eat a meal in less than 60 seconds.  While talking on the phone.  And breastfeeding.
23. You are never alone.
24. You don’t fully chew your food.
25. You can become “Mama Bear” in 0.2 seconds.
26. Toddler leashes no longer seem cruel or unusual.
27. You convince yourself that mini-vans are mega-cool.
28. You hate homework now more than you did as a child.
29. You wish every store had a drive-thru.
30. Your “to do” list is never done. 

What would you add?